It’s an inevitable truth of life that we will lose someone at one point or another of our lives. Whether it’s a break-up, the other person passing away, a friendship losing its luster, or just the law of impermanence acting in full force, we can be pretty sure that “all good things come to an end”.
I’ve lost a few people or friendships this past year. If there’s a recurring theme in these “relationships”, it’s that people start taking me for granted after a bit or like they can take advantage of my “gifts”.
The breaking point seems to be when I feel threatened – I perceive that the other party is intentionally trying to hurt or sabotage me – upon which I’ll immediately take any actions necessary in order to tell that person to go screw themselves and get the hell out of my life*.
‘Cause if there’s one thing that I demand in a friendship that is equality. To treat each other as if we were equals. On the same level. No matter what the external circumstances may be. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t give a shit what your socioeconomic status is, whether you’re CEO of Amazon or a school janitor makes little difference to me… I also don’t care if you’re single or in a relationship, black or white, male or female, young or old; fuck all of these superficial distinctions..!!
What I do care about are your words and actions; how you behave, how you treat other people, and what your overall intentions seem to be.
‘Cause the unfortunate truth is that those who seem to be on your side are often just playing a part to get something from/out of you. And sometimes we don’t even notice until it’s too late.
Now, the thing about loss is that it toughens you up. “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”. Oh, what beauty and truth these wise words hold…
If there’s anything to be gained in the loss of friendships/relationships, it’s this: to learn our lesson on how not to make the same mistake, that maybe we’re just in the process of growing up and leaving behind those people who were no longer beneficial to us, and that when “one door closes, another one opens” as one of my best friend’s grandma used to say.
‘Cause, funnily enough, life has this weird way of working out (in the end). When we lose someone, we tend to find a way to replace him/her with either someone else or a new habit-object/something which will make us feel better (hopefully in the long run too). Or if you know that saying, “one man’s loss is another man’s gain”.
*[Addendum: There have been times in my life where I’ve tried to give the other party a 2nd chance (or the benefit of the doubt), but that typically doesn’t work out too well… because well, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”.]