Mind Games

Almost all relationships between man and woman start off as mind games. Not always, sometimes they come along somewhere down the road, as the relationship goes deeper into the rabbit hole.

Mind games can provoke a string of emotions, both good and bad. There will be times where you’re absolutely loving it and other times where it’s driving you mad. It’s called mind games for a reason.

We usually seem to think that there’s someone else involved when talking about mind games. It’s not always the case; occasionally, we may be playing mind games with ourselves.

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Today, I received an email from EV (my therapist) and she wrote how this Friday’s session has to be postponed again. Then, she went on to explain that there are some organizational issues with her work schedule, yada yada ok.

Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, right? Yet, it made me feel extremely frustrated upon seeing her e-letter. I replied to her, told her how I felt, along with some other things. After sending this reply, and getting through with the day’s duties, I’ve been wondering, “why the hell did I get so frustrated?”

This must be the first time where I openly got pissed off at EV and just went ape-shit on her in the mail, telling her pretty much everything, without holding back.

My previous therapist used to say how we tend to say exactly what we think when we get angry. While someone else said to me that we tend to say things we don’t really mean when we get angry. I don’t know, it’s all a big mind-boggling meteor shower of psycho-babble sometimes.

Apart from this, last week’s exam went pretty well, went out in the weekend with a couple of friends, had a blast! So much fun and rewarding.

But staying on topic, if you suffer from an invisible illness or mental health condition, then you know how the mind can play some devilish tricks on you. It can get so soul-crushing that you just want to stop playing this hellish game.

And yet, you have to keep playing because if you do, eventually the ‘Lord of Darkness’ will leave you alone and give you some respite, some breath of fresh air.

I’ve been playing this game for 5-6 years now. Hoping that eventually, I’ll find the secret weapon to vanquish the ‘Lord of Darkness’ forever and that some heavenly light will shine on these wretched lands. Transforming them into grass-filled plains, inhabited by cute animals and lovely people. It’s a majestic vision and I plan to do whatever it takes to make it a reality.