To (Never) Give Up

People always say, “Never Give Up”. It’s probably one of the most common platitudes, in the modern era. What does it even mean? We could place it in so many different contexts and yet end up right back where we started.

It’s been a while, almost a month since my last published post, with 2-3 posts which got deleted in the meantime after being published.

November has been the most difficult month of this entire year, for me, and maybe for you too. The emotions which boiled in my blood, which are still lying there deep within my conscience, have exploded into some rather drastic turn of events.

So, the first thing I’ve to get out of the way is that I went to work at this new corporate job… for just 2 days. I resigned almost immediately because I didn’t like it there and I felt sick/awful while working there. Maybe I got triggered by some things as well…

In hindsight, I’d do it again and I feel like it was the right decision. Maybe I wanted to see if I was ready to work in a corporate environment again, but it’s just not meant to be.

My father and brother didn’t take it very well, especially my dad. We just yelled at each other and all this anger burst out like a destructive volcano.

It’s ok now, things have cooled down quite a bit since then (around 2 weeks ago).

Do you know how sometimes things happen and your heart/soul gets broken into pieces? Then, all you’re left to do is pick up the pieces and start re-building your life again.


The other big change of November is switching therapists. This is my 3rd therapist now, I’ve had 3 sessions with him (the last one being yesterday), he’s specialized in EMDR and analytical psychotherapy.

Honestly, I don’t like him as much as my previous CBT therapist, who I’ve talked about glowingly. Like he’s not bad, he’s alright… but it’s one thing going from a therapist who you love to someone who’s just meh, ok…

And the only reason I switched is because someone told me to. My gut feeling or instinct is that EMDR is not going to be the magical cure which will solve or fix my life up, like Houdini in a bottle or some shit. Nah, life never works like that.

The only thing which makes people whole again is LOVE. That’s it.

And I’m not feeling it much these days, not in the way I used to.


But I’m still here. You’re still here. We’re all still here. Breathing, sleeping, eating, wishing, doing stuff, shitting all over the place (jk), you know the drill, right?

Anyways, there’s still a story to be written, I’m always hopeful (because I have to be), and the only meaning which I can extract from “never give up” is that I will never kill myself. The rest is all up for grabs.

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37 thoughts on “To (Never) Give Up

    1. Thanks A.M.Bradley πŸ™‚ Yea well, while you’re probably right about corporations, I also wonder if maybe there’s something wrong with how I perceive/feel things. Anyways, glad to hear from you, hugs ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t think so. I think it’s normal for young adults and teens to feel that way about corporations. In this day and age, you don’t need to stay at one job for years and years to get ahead. Most people want to enjoy life now instead of working all the time. I know I do.
        Thanks :3 *hugs back*

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Exactly, I think and feel the same way. It’s refreshing and reassuring to read your supportive words, it makes all the difference in the world. Peace ^_^

        Like

    1. Hi there πŸ™‚ Well, haha glad that you stumbled here and that you liked the post. Thanks for the comment and it’s all good, I appreciate the inspiring/humoristic pun at the end, cheers.

      Like

  1. I almost feel guilty for commenting on this one, as someone who is thriving in the corporate environment, I do know it’s not for everyone. It’s fast-paced, and cutthroat, but I consider my job in that environment my playground. I adore my co-workers, my boss, and my job itself. I consider myself lucky.

    I agree with you about love making one whole, but I believe you must love yourself first. Always. If you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you?

    Look, I hope you are not suicidal. I know you said you would never kill yourself, but it was alarming and shocking the way you just threw that out there, as if it were even a viable option. If you ever are thinking of hurting yourself, please get some help. Call 911 or your local police department for a 5150, if necessary.

    I hope you find gainful employment. Having a great job is amazing for one’s self-esteem and sense of confidence and accomplishment. It’s healthy to be of service, I think, helpful to others.

    Good luck. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks JM πŸ™‚ Well, it’s good that you have a fulfilling and rewarding job that you love. I’m not going to demonize you or anything because I also have other friends in real life who work in companies and they’re doing pretty well. So, I understand that it’s not all bad, but I can’t help how I feel sometimes.

      As for loving myself, that’s like the holy grail of platitudes, lol. It doesn’t help to hear it, to be honest, even though I know you mean well.

      Anyways, no worries, I just wrote that (at the end) because that’s what “never give up” means to me. To never give up on one’s life. While I’m aware that it can have a different meaning for others.

      I’m hopeful too that it’ll work out somehow eventually. But in more practical terms, I’m probably going to do something else soon… which will be revealed in due time. πŸ™‚

      Hugs ❀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I didn’t mean to be unhelpful, my friend. I apologize.

        I understand what you mean about not giving up on life. I’ve been there. I’ve had times in my life when suicide was an option and I got the help I needed. I just kept adding things to my life that added to it in a positive way and removing the things that were hurtful. This is not a pretty process, but the results in the end are peace, a sense of control, a mastery of my environment, and general overall feelings of well-being. The bad stuff is still there, but I found ways to cope. One thing I do when I am feeling low or falling apart is write. I have a bunch of private blogs that would probably scare the shit out of people if they read them, haha. But I write about it here, where I feel supported in a way that my IRL friends cannot. Then, I just keep them private. It’s as cathartic to me as it might be if I ever released any of them.

        I didn’t mean to sound like a platitude, haha! I hate platitudes, but I find them eminently useful at times!

        I’m pulling for you, mister!

        Hugs,

        J

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha it’s ok JM, you’re so sweet πŸ™‚

        I know you meant well and that it was coming from the right place, so it’s all good. Moreover, it’s not the first time that someone tells me I need to love myself more, but it’s not like I haven’t tried. Sometimes, I wonder “what does it even mean?” πŸ˜€

        Anyways, I LOL’d when you say how you have a “bunch of private blogs that would probably scare the shit out of people”. If there are any other blogs other than your silentfall.me, I’d love to read them sometime. Also, I can relate to the cathartic feeling of writing, it seems to help a lot.

        Thanks for the support, as always. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Balvinder Singh Gill πŸ™‚ It means a lot to me to hear this right now. Will try my best to stay positive and will definitely give due consideration to your wise advice. Cheers man.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww dear friend it’s great to see you back! Tis’ the season for grow as I am going through the same and have taken a hiatus from blogging until I get back on track. You inspire me to share my struggles and keep going πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww Amber, I missed hearing from you! πŸ™‚ Always love reading your comments. Hope you’re doing well and I get the whole hiatus thing. It’s so flattering/humbling to see that you feel inspired by what I write and share, it means a lot to me. Hugs ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The wife and I really love this blog and appreciate the creativity and inspiration you provide. If you ever decide to take this blog to the next level by offering a Mobile App version I would love to be of service for an extremely low price, we appreciate the hard work you have put into this blog and wish you all future success in business and in life.
    Thank you for your time, it is the most precious thing we all possess.
    -Jacque’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jacque’, thank you for the appreciation and offer, will keep it in consideration. Your comment got lost in my spam folder, so it took a while for me to find it. I’m glad that you and the wife love the blog. πŸ™‚ Cheers man.

      Liked by 1 person

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