People always say, “Never Give Up”. It’s probably one of the most common platitudes, in the modern era. What does it even mean? We could place it in so many different contexts and yet end up right back where we started.
It’s been a while, almost a month since my last published post, with 2-3 posts which got deleted in the meantime after being published.
November has been the most difficult month of this entire year, for me, and maybe for you too. The emotions which boiled in my blood, which are still lying there deep within my conscience, have exploded into some rather drastic turn of events.
So, the first thing I’ve to get out of the way is that I went to work at this new corporate job… for just 2 days. I resigned almost immediately because I didn’t like it there and I felt sick/awful while working there. Maybe I got triggered by some things as well…
In hindsight, I’d do it again and I feel like it was the right decision. Maybe I wanted to see if I was ready to work in a corporate environment again, but it’s just not meant to be.
My father and brother didn’t take it very well, especially my dad. We just yelled at each other and all this anger burst out like a destructive volcano.
It’s ok now, things have cooled down quite a bit since then (around 2 weeks ago).
Do you know how sometimes things happen and your heart/soul gets broken into pieces? Then, all you’re left to do is pick up the pieces and start re-building your life again.
The other big change of November is switching therapists. This is my 3rd therapist now, I’ve had 3 sessions with him (the last one being yesterday), he’s specialized in EMDR and analytical psychotherapy.
Honestly, I don’t like him as much as my previous CBT therapist, who I’ve talked about glowingly. Like he’s not bad, he’s alright… but it’s one thing going from a therapist who you love to someone who’s just meh, ok…
And the only reason I switched is because someone told me to. My gut feeling or instinct is that EMDR is not going to be the magical cure which will solve or fix my life up, like Houdini in a bottle or some shit. Nah, life never works like that.
The only thing which makes people whole again is LOVE. That’s it.
And I’m not feeling it much these days, not in the way I used to.
But I’m still here. You’re still here. We’re all still here. Breathing, sleeping, eating, wishing, doing stuff, shitting all over the place (jk), you know the drill, right?
Anyways, there’s still a story to be written, I’m always hopeful (because I have to be), and the only meaning which I can extract from “never give up” is that I will never kill myself. The rest is all up for grabs.