When the Heart Speaks

To write well, we must write from the heart. At least this is what I read (on other people’s blogs) and found to be true from personal experience. It seems like a simple concept, but is it actually so in reality?

What does it even mean to “write from the heart”? Do we just let out everything we’ve got built up inside of us? Let loose and go crazy? Sounds kinda fun actually, to be honest. And that’s why I enjoy writing so much sometimes; there’s a sense of liberty/freedom to put your thoughts and emotions onto paper, or in this case digital screen, with relatively little fear of what others may think of you.

At least that’s how I feel here, while the real world is a bit more challenging, ho-hum. WordPress is like a parallel universe in my mind and heart, do you ever feel like this too?

Anyways, I would write more often, but frankly some days I just don’t have the time or energy to do so. I’m not exactly the most emotionally stable person in the world, even though I feel like I made substantial progress in the not-too-distant past.

So I’d like to share something personal about my life which happened recently.

There was a friend (who happens to be female) who I cut off from my life last year. We had a fight about some things and the friendship just fell apart.

For some reason, maybe my subconscious barking into me, I decided to get back in touch with her this week and we talked on the phone a couple of days ago. So I apologized for how things went and told her that I’d want to be friends again. She consented and seemed to take it rather well.

We talked a lot, joked around a bit, there was a lot to catch up on and it was great to hear from her again. We had been friends for many years previously and she’d been an important part of my life, so I was glad to have patched things up and rekindled the relationship.

And yet, ever since we said our good-byes and hung up the phone, my heart started to ache again. For like the past 2 days or so, every now and then I can feel my heart just throbbing/twisting inside like it’s being constricted and tortured by a boa snake anaconda or something. It almost feels like a bleeding heart.

I’m pretty sure there’s a connection, but I don’t know how to make the ache/painΒ go away. It’s driving me insane sometimes. So I try to distract myself by reading, commenting elsewhere, going out, checking other social media; you know, life is full of distractions.

Thankfully though, it’s not too heavy or intense, it’s quite tolerable and I have the feeling that it’ll go away eventually.

There’s a saying which goes something like this: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Honestly, I’d rather take the lemons, crush them to pieces and make some lemon pie out of it instead. But hey, maybe that’s just me.


22 thoughts on “When the Heart Speaks

    1. Ahah well Marco, it’s nothing too serious. I do have the occasional chest pain and feel the need to massage it with my hand. As for your suspicion, I’m not sure, maybe you’re right, but really I don’t know. Might take some time to process. Thanks as always, cheers.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I read your post and I enjoyed it. πŸ™‚ Beautifully written.

    However, I’ve been arguing with myself for the past 5 minutes, trying to decide if your gender has anything at all to do with this situation you find yourself in. Males and females internalize and process differently. But I understand you wish to remain anonymous, so I won’t be rude and ask! Besides, it really doesn’t matter what your gender is, only that it would add a touch more insight here, is all.

    My completely gender-neutral response is that I agree with MPardi, that maybe it’s your body’s way of setting off alarms. There was a reason or reasons you had to close that door before. Sometimes our memories trick us, after time has passed. If this were not the case, there’d be a lot less dysfunctional families, IMHO.

    I would tread very cautiously, honestly. Maybe a different approach to problem-solving between you two would be helpful moving forward. Good luck. I really hope this sticks this time, if that is what you want and if it doesn’t hurt you or make you unhappy. I wish you all the best.


    P.S. Your post really inspired me. I have a couple of these situations myself and I plan on writing about them at some point, so I thank you greatly for the inspiration and the “reminder” of sorts. It’s a complex area of relationships, always worth exploring. Take care.. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi JM, thanks for your lengthy and insightful comment, really appreciate it. πŸ™‚

      Well, I’m of male gender, if it makes any difference, probably does.

      So actually I discussed about this with my therapist and will definitely need to re-examine the whole scenario in tomorrow’s session as well. Anyways, she suggested that taking a gradual approach and see what comes up might be best, which I agreed with. Also, I guess she did encourage me to follow my subconscious or instincts and get back in touch with this particular friend.

      Now, I feel that it was the right choice to get back in touch with her, it’s just that there are still a lot of things which went unsaid… Then, there’s the fact that she lives in Paris while I’m in Milan, so the physical distance plays a part as well.

      It may be one of the hardest things to do, to repair a broken friendship or relationship, but may very well be worth it. Thanks for all your kind and supportive words, cheers.

      [Edit: In hindsight, would I be “happier” if I hadn’t re-opened this door? Probably yes, but then we wouldn’t really learn much in life if we never took action.]

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ‘writing without worrying what others think’ sounds good – maybe for me it is more about what I think, my inner critic, the one that wants to keep me safe.

    Thank you for your thoughtful post and for following my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Yorinda! I recognize you from the FB group. πŸ™‚ So kind of you to pass by and comment, thanks for the lovely words and glad to follow you as well.

      Also, I totally get what you mean by the inner critic, sometimes I also feel an inner conflict when deciding what to write, it’s not always effortless, right? πŸ˜‰ Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

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